Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Newly Divorced Gardener Spreading Seed All Over Town

Bloomington, Massachusetts

Bill Graben is out of the house and out on the prowl. Once a devoted family man, now one of New England's most sought after bachelors.

Owner of Graben's Greenery, Bill Graben has just announced his intentions to spread his seed all over town.

For the past 23 years, Bill's business has been situated in East Bloomington. With his marriage finally over, he is getting back to what he loves best, gardening. He is planning a major expansion of his business to be able to service all of Suffolk County.

"The wife would always nag at me. Nag nag nag. She would never shut the hell up and leave me alone. So, I packed a bag and moved into my greenhouse. There's better lighting in there."

Bill now gets to spend as much time as he wants on his business. "I thought I was going to wait until one of us died before I could enjoy myself. Thank God! One minute more with her and I was about to shove my green thumb up her ass."

A new warehouse and greenery is set to open this September in West Bloomington. "I couldn't be happier for him," said one of Bill's employees, Pam Huckey. "His wife was a real pain in the ass. She always wanted him to go shopping for yarn or antiquing on Sundays. Now he's much happier. And I'm happier too. When he told me he was going to spread his seed everywhere, I thought he was just gonna get laid."

-Silly's Soft News

Silly's Soft News, your silly news source...updated whenever we are feeling particularly silly.