Ever since 2003, when an unknown man named Chris Moneymaker sat down at a table at Binion's Horseshoe, against all odds, to become the World Series of Poker Main Event Champion, the game has changed forever.
There were 839 players that year, but due to the stunning upset by Moneymaker, that number grew to a staggering 8,773 participants in 2008.
Poker has taken on a new life. Everybody is playing. It doesn't matter if you are a doctor, lawyer, truck driver, or a famous Japanese actor from the '50's. For the past 3 days, poker players from all over the world, have been sitting inside the Rio Poker Room vying for their chance to become a poker champion.
Someone with raw determination has successfully wittled away the competition. Godzilla, who dominated the big screen in movies such as Godzilla Versus the Sea Monster and Godzilla Versus the Smog Monster, won the Rio's Tournament with a monster hand.
Godzilla made the final table last night, along with poker greats Daniel Negreaneu, Greg Raymer, Marcel Luske, Doyle Brunson, Phil Laak, and Phil Helmuth. But as the clock kept ticking, the chips slowly but surely started to pile up in front of Godzilla.
4 hours into the evening, he had obliterated Luske, Raymer, and Negreanu by flopping a set. Helmuth was taken out in a later round for yelling at Doyle, "Let's go you old coot! I've got a spin class at 8 a.m.!" Then in a rant, splashed his chips all over the table.
Laak laughed at Helmuth's display and was later disqualified for pretending to be Obi-Wan Kenobi under his trade-mark gray hood. "Goddamnit, I can't take it!" shouted Brunson. "What is with these players today?"
The final hand came at 2 a.m. Doyle was down to his last 2 million dollars in chips, Godzilla with 10 million. The flop came down K-5-5. Doyle's eyes glistened. He was holding A-K. Doyle slow played his King, thinking Godzilla didn't catch a piece of the flop, but hoping he would bet it anyway, in an attempt to bluff. No such luck. Godzilla checked right behind Doyle.
Then the turn, a 5. Doyle bet $250,000. Godzilla sat back in his seat, took a minute and then raised the bet to $1,000,000. Doyle quickly called. Then the river, an Ace blessed the felt for Doyle. But he remained a pillar of stone in his seat as he checked. Then Godzilla announced "All-in." Doyle called quicker than a Jack Rabbit chasing a warm pair of ear muffs in the dead of winter. Doyle flipped up his cards showing his 2 pair. Godzilla smiling, revealed his cards, a 3-5 off suit.
The crowd was stunned as announcer Mike Sexton yelled, "Holy Cow! He has a 5. He made 4 of a kind! I can't believe it! Godzilla is our tournament champion!" Godzilla jumped up in celebration, smashing poker tables to bits with his feet, breathing fire on the crowd, and unfortunately setting fire to his prize money as well. As Doyle walked away from the table in his singed signature cowboy hat, he remarked "He's a good player, but a dang fool! Look what he did to the prize money!"
-Silly's Soft News
Silly's Soft News, your silly news source...updated whenever we are feeling particularly silly.™
