Los Angeles, California
A tense moment in the home of Jaleel White, turned violent.
Now his toilet, who became the victim in White's moment of rage, is speaking out about the incident that caused White's girlfriend to fall on top of it.
Official Statement from the Toilet
Many of you don't know this, or refuse to believe it, but it's true. Jaleel White (of Urkel fame) did in fact punch his woman in the boobies. He hit her so hard that she fell onto the me and I broke in half.
But let me clear something up for you. He was not angry at her. He was angry at me. I know you have seen Mr. White on TV for years as the adorable little nerd, Steve Urkel. But don't be fooled. He is no nice guy at all.
For years as we have resided in our Southern California home, Jaleel has had immense frustration that he has taken out on me. Whenever he was angry, he would slam the seat down. Sometimes after a night of drinking, he wouldn't even put the seat up. He would just piss all over me. And now this motherfucker threw his girl at me because I wouldn't digest his doody fast enough.
I have told him for weeks to please seek out a plumber if he is not thrilled with my recent service. But does he listen?? No!
'Oh my doody doesn't taste good enough for you anymore, toilet?!' yelled Jaleel. 'I am sorry that I am not dining at the craft services table like the good 'ol days!' he continued to rant until the wee hours of the morning.
And by the way...Mr. Urkel never used the if it's brown, flush it down policy. So I don't know what the fucking fuss is about anyway.
-Silly's Soft News
Silly's Soft News, your silly news source...updated whenever we are feeling particularly silly. ™
